#livesnotknives

This week, starting on the 22nd of July, Leicestershire Police have launched the campaign #livesnotknives. Personally, I think this campaign could not have come at a better time given everything that is going on and I fully back what they are trying to achieve. 

Just as a 'for instance'- imagine you have a child who has just turned 16. He goes out with his friends one evening and doesn't return home. You wait up all night until the next morning and phone the police to report him as missing, the police launch a missing persons plea and then you have to sit and wait for one of two phone calls. You receive the phone call you really didn't want to, your little boy, the boy you grew inside you for 9 months and you've helped and watched grow for 16 years' body has been found. He has been stabbed multiple times. How would you feel? Your world would come crashing down around you, you wouldn't know how to feel. Distraught, angry, helpless...

Now imagine making someone else feel that way. Making them feel like there is nothing to live for, tearing their world apart... and for what? What exactly would stabbing and murdering someone achieve? Do you think your friends would think that you look cool? To feel superior? Taking someone else's life is murder, you could face 12-15 years in prison- 10 years on good behaviour. Would it be worth it? If you ever feel the need to hurt someone in that way, you need to remember those two things 1) how would you feel if someone took your loved one away from you in such a brutal way? 2) is it really worth facing time behind bars and losing up to 15 years of your life in a cell.

Even if you are caught just carrying a knife, you could face 4 years in prison. 

Choose lives not knives. Make the right choice. 

Thank you for reading! 

B x

Why Size Should Never Be A Fashion

If you've read any of my previous posts you'll know I used to be a size 10/12 and am now a 12/14 post babies. From a young age I've looked up to 'fashion' and what I've found is that what size clothes you are has actually turned into a trend over the years.

I was reading about Marylin Monroe, who is one of my favourite women to have walked this planet, and it got me wondering- why was it acceptable to be chubbier back in the 40s and 50s, but as soon as the 60s hit it was all about being thinner? It also got me questioning why people found it acceptable to make clothing sizes fashionable. Why would you think it's okay to tell a young, impressionable person that they are 'too big' or 'too small'? 

I read an article the other day about how 'thigh brows' are the new 'trend'. Right, so not so long ago, it was trendy to be skinny and we had an uprise of teenagers suffering from anorexia and bullemia but now those same people are saying it is trendy to be bigger. I'm chubby, but it's not a fashion statement. I'm chubby because I have had two children, born by csection and I, quite simply, have better things to do than worry about what size jeans I fit into. There are people on the other end of the spectrum, who see that 'chubby' is now in fashion and will probably try anything to put on weight, but can't.

Why should we put this pressure onto people to look a certain way because some random person who thinks they have some sort of authority or say in what's fashionable said so? We are all built in different ways. Even before I had my children, I would never have been a size 4 and believe me, I tried which resulted in me becoming anorexic... but I still wasn't a size 4 because I wasn't built that way. 

This message is directly to columnists, writers, publishers, designers... stop making clothes size fashionable, because there is always going to be someone out there who looks up to you and what you're writing and wonders why they can't be that size, they'll take drastic measures to live up to fashions, fashions that you have created. How would you feel if you found out a teenage girl had starved herself and passed away because of an article you had written? Would you be able to sleep at night? 

Stop making it acceptable for people to dictate how we should look. Each one of us is beautiful in our own way, no matter what size we are. 

Thank you for reading!

B x

Pretty Little Mistake

So, I'm a bit of a Pretty Little Liars fan... super fan... I've watched every episode at least 4 times and that's including the finale which only aired a couple of weeks ago. But I was taking my shower today, something just suddenly dawned on me. There's a plot hole, a mistake in the story line! Now, I don't know if it has already been explained or pointed out before but here is it:

Just pointing out that if you haven't watched Pretty Little Liars, or you've just started watching it... DO NOT READ ON. MASSIVE SPOILERS.

Toby's mother was killed by Bethany Young in Radley, right? The flash back showed Charles and Bethany in Radley and they looked pretty young, like 11ish, Charles was still Charles and not Cece. If you think back, there's also a flashback scene where Toby and Allison are in his room and his mother walks in after being asleep for most of the day... Toby and Allison look about 13 or 14. Charles or 'Cece' is supposed to be just shy of 2 years younger than Jason and 1 year or two older than Allison meaning that Charles/Cece would have been 15 when Allison met Toby's mother, meaning that they were depicted as way too young when Bethany killed her. 

I could have this totally confused and maybe the ages are way off but that was my shower thought for the day. 

What do you think? Big mistake? Or have I got it completely wrong? Sound off in the comments! 

Thank you for reading!

B x

My Business Journey.

Last July I was pregnant, very pregnant. I wanted to do something in my spare time, because you know, being heavily pregnant and raising a toddler isn't time consuming enough. I googled crafty stuff that I could do and I came across candle making! I had never made a candle in my entire life so I researched everything I needed and priced it up, my business set up only cost me £60! I had a look at what was on the market already and decided I wanted to make soy candles in square jars and I wanted  them to look shabby chic. 

This was my first ever finished candle. I decided to call my business Bryony's Bees Wax Soy Candles but after 5 months of confusing people because I claimed to be a vegan business with 'Bees Wax' in the name of my company, I changed it to 'Bee Free Company'. I did some fayres during the summer months but I mainly sold my candles online on Facebook and Etsy. After a while I decided to change the size of my candles and they seemed to sell better. My candles even went all the way to America!! I also stock a publishing house with my candles which is absolutely amazing! 

It's been a year since my little business opened and I'm honestly surprised at how well it's doing. I never imagined that people in America would want my candles, I never thought they would be in shops!! This summer I plan to do some more fayres and hopefully grow my business some more after taking a little time off this spring. If any of you reading this are interested in ordering and want to know what scents I have, then message me! 

Thank you to every single one of you who have supported my business so far!

Thank you for reading!

B x

The Truth About Parenting.

As you all probably know by now I am very open about my struggles when it comes to being a mother. Everyone tells you how fun it is to raise children and how cute they are when they are born... no one warns you about teething, feeding, constipation, terrible twos... the list is actually pretty long. There are obviously some really good times when raising mini-yous but I just want to take this blog to highlight what real mums have struggled with and what being a mother has been like for them. I asked questions to two mothers and I also answered these questions myself, so here it goes...

Question 1: How old is your child/children?

Me: I have a son who's 3 and a daughter who's 10 months

C: I have a 4 year old son and a 9 month old son.

E: 5

Questions 2: Did you read any parenting books whilst expecting? If so, which ones? 

Me: No, I did a lot of my research online. 

C: No, I actually tried to stay away from anything like that. I didn't want to scare myself. I had 2 hard pregnancies. I decided to just listen to my consultant and go from there.

E: Yes I got brought one by jo frost, confident child care and another who I can't remember what it was called but it had the steps of how your baby was during each term of pregnancy. I read. A lot online too. 

Question 3: What do you find most difficult about being a mother? 

Me: it sounds so selfish saying it out loud, but I miss having time to myself. Also, trying to conform into being a 'perfect parent'. I'm not perfect, I don't always feed my children the best food, I have off days- I feel like society judge me a lot for the type of mother I am, I don't know. 

C: I find it difficult to finish everything that needs to be done. My youngest son is now crawling and my eldest son is diabetic and so had additional health needs. I have very busy days and I feel like I haven't always accomplished what I set out to do

E: Not being the "perfect mum" or not good enough mum in comparison to others. Not feeling smart enough to teach, since I don't have him at weekends as he's at his dads not being the fun one as I can't take him to as much, not being a working mum. You know the jist all those "Perfect" things a mum is supposed to be. 

Question 4: Was there anything you were surprised at how difficult it was? 

Me: The anxiety that comes with having a child. I don't know if everyone suffers with this anxiety but it is by far the hardest thing I've had to deal with. I don't like going out with my children in fear that someone will take them or in fear that they will get hurt in some way and everyone would blame me for it. 

C: I have been lucky as I have 2 very laid back and chilled out boys. My eldest son however was 7 weeks early and spent 4 weeks in NICU. I wasn't prepared for how hard that would be. I cried every single day he was in there and I just wanted him to be okay. I had an overwhelming sense of love and it felt awful that there wasn't much I could do while he was in the hospital. I suffered badly with depression because of that. I felt guilty.

E: baby stages changing a baby I used to throw up everytime while doing it as the smell and look of it bleh it took me a long time to not thorw up while doing it. next thing that comes to mind is being out with my son in public during his toddler days, I have quite bad anxiety so I got to a point where I could not leave the house barely at all, I kept worrying what other people thought of me being a mother or if my son had a tantrum in public about others judgement, I had help with this but I feel it only made me worse about it. I remember feeling like the worst mother in the world when I forgot to put on his coat to nursery and it poured it down with rain. He was crying his eyes out as he was getting soaked and I ended up crying too as a woman gave me a flithly look. 

Question 5: Do you feel you've had enough support since becoming a mother? Explain why:

Me: I definitely feel like I've had enough support from everyone in my life since having my children . People often look at me and think 'well you've got a great support system, why has she got post natal depression?' The truth is, I don't know and that makes me feel worse about it. 

C: Yes and no. My eldest son was born into a badorelationship with my ex husband. He didn't care about me or our son and it showed. I became very unwell after my eldest birth as my ex told me he would leave me if I stayed fat. I dropped 3 dress sizes in a month and I was very ill and depressed. I felt very trapped and alone. I was living far away from my family. My youngest son is a different story. My partner now is amazing and supports me. He is the polar opposite to my ex husband. I moved to the same town as my grandparents who raised me and they see me and my boys 2-3 times a week. A team supported me after the birth of my youngest as they knew I had previously been in a bad relationship with many problems. They looked out for me and I was signed off quickly due to no depression this time around. It was nice that the team looked out for me and supported me. They put me in touch with a victims of abuse support group and I met some wonderful people. 

E: no, people don't support as much rather try to tell what what they think is right or what they would do if they was a mum or when they had their child at that age. it wasn't shown until late on I had postnatal depression even tough one of doctors read out to me my notes from years ago with a nurse stating the thought I had it. It took an attempted overdose in hospital to finally get the help I needed. I felt like a shit mum, his family is old fashioned I made me feel bad for trying to have my own life, for still trying to be me as well as mum me that I should always be the one at home looking after the child. Thus I ended up doing that and loosing my photography I once did. My mum I actually told me in front of my friends that if i carried on the way I was that I'd have my son taken off me. What no one did notice was that I was the one doing everything. I was the one left alone in my depression with my child, with no help, everyone around me got thier life's. His dad was barely there . Yet I was the wrong in the wrong? It now angers me how I was made to feel so low when I was the one doing everything I could by my son while struggling to cope. the support I gained, when it was far to late I don't feel helped at all, my couselling cut me off early as they felt I didn't need it anymore it was meant to be for 8 sessions and I had 6.  I had a woman come around to my house to encourage different types of play and to see how I was getting on. I had social services come see how I was doing I think once a month for about a year. I was made to go to my local sure start center and attend groups which I hated with the anxiety this made me feel incredibly worse. I was signed off everything and have had nothing since. I don't feel there's support really from anything just people pushing their judgment and how the book says everything is. 

Question 6. I want to end these questions on a high note, so what is your proudest moment as a mother, to date?

Me: How far ahead both my children are in certain aspects. You can hold a real conversation with my 3 year old and have been able to since he was maybe 2. He's so bright and he makes me proud every day. My daughter does things that she shouldn't be doing, her hand eye co ordination is really good for a child her age. I'm also really proud of how much my children love each other, that sounds so odd but I was scared that they wouldn't get on and my son would get jealous but they get on so well. 

C: I'm proud of my eldest son for dealing well with his type 1 diabetes and for being such a bright and funny boy. He makes me proud every single day. I'm proud of the bond he has with my youngest son too. My youngest son makes me proud too, watching them grow and bond is wonderful. 

Lastly I'm proud of myself. I managed to difficult pregnancies. One to 32 weeks and one to 37 weeks. I escaped a bad relationship and I have a beautiful, happy little family. Honestly I can't remember my life before my kids because I don't think it was much of one. I'm very lucky. 

E: calebs speech is extremely advanced for his age, I think being around adults rather then children or so I'm told lol has helped that. It's nice when you get old your child is advanced in something for their age. Or I could go for the moments of when Caleb turns around and says "that's my mum, look at my mum to other kids" Nice to know I'm loved haha.

It was really lovely getting to know these Mothers a little more and I really would like to thank them for answering the questions so honestly! You can see that Mums struggle with different things and we can all agree that the job of raising children is bloody difficult. 

Thank you for reading! 

B x

Why You Should Never Buy Makeup Off Ebay

Ever since Ebay time began, you can almost guarantee that people have been selling fake big branded make up products to unsuspecting victims. What some people may not know is that these fake make up products can actually contain some chemicals which are dangerous to use of your face. 

Now, I understand that you probably want Kylie's Holiday Collection as much as I do but can't afford it (who has $260 to just splash out, am I right?) so you go snooping around the internet to see if you can find a bargain and there it is, the entire collection for £80!

Don't be sucked in. 

It has been proven that some of the fake make up which is sold on Ebay actually contains lead and cyanide, which is something you don't really want to be applying to your skin, basically. Let's get real for a second- yes, saving a bit of money is always fun and makes you feel good because you've snagged a bargain but is saving your money worth the risk of an allergic reaction, or worse, chemical burns? 

What really bugs me about this whole situation is that people are just wanting to save some money and there are people in the world who pray on those individuals and create fake make up that they know will cause harm to their customers faces. What kind of person is happy to sit back, rake all that money in and not feel an ounce of guilt that as soon as that makeup is applied to someone's face, they could get seriously hurt? I cannot believe there are people out there who are okay with that. I understand that Ebay are trying to cut down on the amount of fakes on their website and they could never guarantee that everything on the site is legit.

Stay smart and don't be fooled into buying fake products! 

Thank you for reading! 

B x

Shadow Switch by Beauty Essentials- Review.

I'm one of these people who would much rather just buy new brushes rather than spend all day cleaning them and letting them dry before being able to use them again, there's nothing worse for me, so when I came across the Shadow Switch by Beauty Essentials, I was very intrigued. It claims to be able to, after using one colour, glide your eyeshadow brush around the black sponge in a clockwise motion to remove the colour and apply a different colour with the same brush. I was pretty sceptical about this product because how would a dry sponge clean your brushes? But it does! 

First of all, I want to mention the cute packaging. It comes in a little box which design matches the one on the lid of the tin. The lid is a simple 'pull off push on'. The sponge comes out so it's easy to clean, which they recommend to do every two months. It's also a handy handbag size so you can take it with you on the go! I really put the product to the test and applied a black eyeshadow to the brush which is highly pigmented and switched for a white eyeshadow. I couldn't believe my eyes. The white was just white, not a tint on grey or black in sight! You can also see the eyeshadow which has come off at the bottom of the tin, which I probably found cooler than I should have. !

The best thing about this product is that it's only £6! You can buy it here: https://www.amazon.co.uk/Shadow-Switch-Brush-Cleaner-Removes/dp/B01CPIUWK2

And here: 

http://www.harveynichols.com/brand/beauty-essentials-/

I will be recommending this product to all my family and friends as it's such a quick and easy way to use your favourite eyeshadow brush for all of your look, rather than just the one colour. I can't wait to see what other products Beauty Essentials come up with, I will for sure be buying them! 

Thank you for reading! 

B x

That One Time I Tried My Hand At Photography

I've always been the creative type- I get it off my Nana and Grandad. She'd paint gorgeous water colour paintings and he would often be found making things in his shed out of wood, drawing in one of his scetch books or painting. I loved watching them work as a child and I knew from then that I was meant to be creative. I tried doing a lot of things and after landing an A in my GCSE art, I decided to go to college to study it further. The only problem was, I am not a studious person. I don't like being sat in a classroom and told to draw or paint or write. I feel like it needs to come from within and you need to have proper inspiration for you to really get anything out of it, so I quit college.

I moved to Lincoln in 2011, as soon as I moved here I fell in love with the city. It's so pretty and pleasing to the eye. When my partner and I got together in 2013, he leant me his pretty decent camera so I could go out and take some photos of the beautiful city. I asked my friend to come along so she could 'model' in some of the photos. I decided to go to one of the prettiest areas in Lincoln, the Cathedral.

Now I know you're probably all thinking 'you do photography for your blog' which is true, but I use my iPhone and for some reason I find taking pictures with a semi professional camera a lot more challenging yet thrilling. I just thought I'd share with you all some of the images I took that day. I realised that photography probably isn't the right creative path for me... I feel like blogging is creative and I'm on the right path, I don't know, it's just a gut feeling. Anyway, here are the photos!

Let me know what you think in the comments!
Thank you for reading!
B x

My Mental Health.

If you have read any of my previous posts, you will know that I am the mother of two beautiful children. My son is 3 and my daughter is just coming up to 10 months. I love my children more than I could possibly imagine but that's not to say it's not challenging. You get spoken to about 'baby blues' and post natal depression and you never expect it to happen to you, but sadly after my first was born I became depressed and I didn't get help until he was 18 months old. I suffered in silence for that long and I regret not getting help sooner. I began taking my anti-depressants and I started to feel a bit more like me again... then I fell pregnant with our daughter. 

As far as pregnancies go, my second was pretty normal bar my severe anaemia and my labour which resulted in an emergency csection. When my precious girl came into the world, she was very poorly. Both mine and her temperature sky rocketed and we had to stay on a ward on our own in fear of us giving whatever we had to other new-born's. After our temperatures went down we went to the poorly baby unit- this is where we were told that our gorgeous little girl had sepsis. I didn't fully understand how serious that was, nobody really explained it to me. It wasn't until we left the hospital and I did some research that I realised it was actually life threatening. She left the hospital 2 days after being born, then we realised she was jaundice. She soon got over all of her illness' and infections and life seemed to be pretty good again... then my Nana passed away. 

My Nana was one of the strongest women I've known, she battled cancer for multiple years but she finally just gave up the fight. In a way, I was happy that she was no longer suffering but I never got the chance to say goodbye when she was still here, I kick myself every day for not going to see her. I hope she realises how much I loved her and how I much I miss her and that I would love nothing more than to sit in her front room on a summers day with the electric fire on, sweating from my eyelids if it meant I could just spend one last afternoon in her company. 

It's now July and as much as I have tried to deal with how I'm feeling without the use of medication, I've finally given in and sought help for my second battle with post natal depression. On one hand, I'm glad it's only taken me 10 months to get the help I need and to come to terms with it, but on the other hand I just wanted to be able to say that I didn't need help this time but things don't always work out how you want them to.

I've had a rough year, some of my close friends will know the extent of my bad year. All I ask for anyone who is reading this, to be nice to each other. You never know who's going through a bad time and just needs someone to be kind to them. Also, don't be afraid to open up about Mental Health, it has such a stigma around it that people just don't want to talk about it, I almost feel as though it's a burden, I don't want people to worry about me so I don't talk about it that much. But you need to talk about it if you want to talk about it, don't suffer alone. 

Thank you for reading! 

B x

VO5 Mega Hold Styling Mousse Review

From a young age I have hated my curly hair, the frizz, the time is takes to comb... just everything about it in general. I've tried countless products that claimed to help calm the frizz and help the curls curl more but nothing I had tried seemed to work for me, personally. I went into Boots the other day and decided to look at the hair products and see what they had for curly hair- I hadn't tried any products in such a long time because I just kind of gave up any hope that anything would work. I decided to pick up the VO5 Mega Hold Mousse. This has the typical 'reduces frizz' claim so I was pretty dubious to start off with. 

Before (no product, natural frizzy hair) 

So, I washed my hair yesterday evening and after I came out of the shower I followed the instructions down to a T in order to get maximum results. I applied the product evenly onto towel dried hair, from root to tip, and left it to dry. It wasn't sticky like most mousses are which I was pleased about and it smelt really nice, almost fruity. I went to bed not long after I'd showered so I decided to wait until morning to picture my results.

After (VO5 Mega Hold Mousse- no frizz and gorgeous curls)

When I woke up I looked in the mirror and, no word of a lie, I actually let out a little squeal. My hair was not frizzy, it was curly AND I had slept on it! It claims to hold the curls in any weather- it was extremely humid today so I went for a walk with my children and took them to the park and when I came back, my hair was still perfectly curled! It even started spitting with rain in the afternoon and my hair still looks amazing right now as I'm writing this blog post. To anyone who is struggling to find that product that will stop the frizz- I really recommend you try this product. It's on offer at the moment at Boots and all hair products are 3 for 2 too! I also picked up the VO5 Shape My Style Creation Hairspray which I used on a night out. This too claims to leave your hair glossy and frizz-free which I can vouch for! I also picked up my trusty Treseme heat defence spray. 

Curly-haired girls of the world- try the VO5 Mega Hold Mousse, you will definitely not regret it!!! 

Thank you for reading! 

B x

6 Things I've Learnt In 2017 So Far

So as the month of June comes to an end and we realise that we are already halfway through 2017, we will probably look back at the New Years Resolutions we've made and broken and then we start to feel bad about it. So I thought I'd start on a positive note this month and tell you about 6 things I've personally learned in the first six months of this year. 

1. Self-love is important- if you learn to love yourself for who you are then your life in general will just seem brighter. I'm currently on my own path to finding self-love and, as it stands, I'm feeling a lot happier in myself and within my life.

2. No two children are the same, even if they have the same parents- my two darling children could not be more different. My daughter is happy 99% of the time unless she's got some teeth coming through, seriously, as soon as she's awake and she smiles at you, she puts you in the best mood. Whereas my son is mardy 99% of the time! I love him to pieces but when his whingey voice comes out, it makes me want to go back to bed for the rest of day.

3. Troian Bellisario is an amazing actress- is you know, you know. I'm not spoiling anything for anyone!

4. My anxiety attacks are not the boss of me- yes, they are scary, scary as hell, but they don't define me! I'm not going to let my anxiety dictate when I can and can't leave my house. I do what I want on my own terms.

5. I'm ready to get back to work- as much as I love my children with all my heart, I am more than ready to get back into work! I want to feel like I'm contributing to the household- even if I just get a weekend job.

6. Things don't always go the way you planned- the sooner you realise that plans don't always go the way you wanted them to, the less stressed you will become. I used to be wound up so tight and get stressed over a lot of small issues, some times I still do when I'm having an off day, but it's not good for my health. I started getting chest pains and my anxiety attacks were a lot worse. I've learnt to not stress the small stuff and that's the best mind set for me.

I'm hoping the rest of 2017 will be as eye opening as the first half. My New Years resolutions are way out of the window but I'm enjoying this year a lot more without completing them!

Thank you for reading!
B x

Barry M Colour Correcting Wand- Review

So, the other day I went on a bit of a beauty haul and one of the products that I picked up was the Barry M Colour Correcting Wand- I chose to get the purple one as that claimed to brighten my skin! Now, being a busy mum of two, my skin has recently started to look a bit tired and I'm starting to feel it too, every day... 24/7 no matter how much sleep I manage to get. Anyway! I tried the product for the first time ever whilst I was getting ready for a hen do night out and I was not disappointed! (Even my mum tried it after seeing my results and my mother in law wants to try it too!) 

A bit about the product and how I used it: it comes in a plastic tube with a wand attached to the handle and has a funky pattern on it. I had no idea where to put it so I decided to apply it under my eyes where my skin looked the most tired. At first my mum laughed at me because she walked in and I was letting it dry a bit before applying my foundation, but then as I was putting on my foundation and the purple started disappearing right in front of our eyes we stopped laughing and was more gobsmacked! It actually really worked! My skin looked so much brighter and my eyes looked a whole less tired. You need to be sure to entirely cover the purple though, otherwise you do get a slight tinge coming through your foundation. 

I bought mine from Boots (3 for 2 offer on at the moment) and there was other colours in the range that all did different things so there will be a colour there to fix whatever problem you think you have! This product is always going to be in my makeup bag from now until either it gets discontinued or I die, which ever comes first. I can not recommend it enough and for £4.49 it's perfect if you want brighter looking skin and you're on a budget! Also whilst you're at the Barry M section make sure you pick up one of their lip kits. I'll be writing a review on them some time soon but seriously, go treat yourself to one... or five... you deserve it! I can safely say that Barry M is becoming my all time favourite drug store brand. 

Thank you for reading! 

B x

To Me, From Me

Dear Bryony,

I hope you're still as happy as you are in this precise moment. Your 9 month old daughter is sleeping next to you. Your 3 year old son is having some Nannie and Grandad time. You're waiting for your fiancé to come home from a long day at work providing for your family and you feel like the luckiest girl in the world that you have found such a decent and caring man who will soon be your husband.

I hope you're still writing your blog, I know how flakey you can be with new projects if they don't go the way you want them to go. You're good at this, keep writing, if only for you. If you haven't blogged for a while, get your feelings written down onto paper now. Have you sorted that rash on your arm yet? Has it gone? If not, get to the Dr because that ain't normal, it's been a year, sort yourself out. 

You better not be pregnant again. 

Do you look in the mirror now and smile at what you see? We made a pact remember? Do you still feel as blessed with what you have? Maybe even more so? Have you started going out more to see your friends? I know it's hard but you have to try. Go on, put on your make up and go explore the world with your two beautiful children who will both be walking by now and one will be in nursery and nearly ready to start school... oh my god.

Sorry, I freaked out a little bit there... I'm calm now. Are you any closer to setting a wedding date? You know how much you are eager to get married to that perfect man you call your fiancé, 5 years is long enough as an engagement, give him a kick up the bum. If you're already married then... YAY. 

Remember that you have so much worth. You are beautiful. You are kind. You are strong. Always be who you want to be, not who everyone else wants you to be. 

Love Bryony.